Recently I feel
so down and upset. School started , though I thought it was going to be better.
New classmates , new environment . I got a part-time job at an average pay. The
job was tough , but I tell myself not to give up. I even injured my finger. Now
I suspect I am having spurs bone on my finger.
REASON I choose
to work and take on a part-time job,
I quarreled
with my father if u have read my last post , since then we had never talk to
each other anymore. He still gives me some money , ( he is still responsible ).
I realized is not entirely his faults. After I started working, I finally realized
how tiring it is , how upset it is when got scolded. Most of the time feel like
crying , but I just have to swallow back my tears. I finally know it was not easy to work . I understand
my father job was also not easy . it is too much for him to work and support
the entire family . he tried he best to feed us , why am I still blaming him ?
I AM THE ONLY COWARD AND BITCH . To be honest
I have never work so long before, I used to take up part-time job but that was
like , 3 to 4 days and I gave up. This job seems to be like the longest period I
took so far. When I am working , I always tell myself I have to be better than
the rest of the part-timers. (WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING? I CAN NEVER BE BETTER THAN THEM .) I only work 3 days per week compared to the
rest of them . Hence , I can never be better than the rest of the part-timers
because they worked longer hours than me and they are more experienced even
though they are more new than me. Hence , taking up this job as a waitress to
me is no longer about money anymore , it is becomes like something I wanted to
be good in , I wanted to be better in. I have no ideas that I will be so
serious in taking up this job, at first , my main goal was to earn money and
spend , now my main goal was to be good in this job, and not to let the others
part-timers to look down on me . Thus , I am stressed for work, the more I want
to become better , the more I am stressed about it . I can’t even get enough
sleep while working. I will automatically wake up at 5.30 everyday , due to
school even though I sleep very late at 2am .
I HAVE NO
IDEAS I WILL BE SO SERIOUS AT THIS PART-TIME JOB. I am asking myself why are u
so serious jean ? why ? this is just your part-time job only , why are u so serious ?
why are u giving yourself unnecessary stress ? I really don’t know . I am just
tired , and my mind got really fucked up right now .
SCHOOL , -
semester 2 was way more harder than semester 1. The things we learnt are so
hard, programming , data based, networking communication. I hardly concentrate
in school. I started losing focus, I just wanted the time faster passes and
then I can go home and rest. The first week I got only one C which the rest of
it I got an A . the second week it all dropped to B and C. during semester 1 , I
didn't even get C for the first week and second week , I only got C when it
comes to 7th week , and now it is just the second week and I got my
second C , it just feel like WHAT THE hell did I even go school for that day if
I am getting a C ? daily grades affect overall. Seeing this C grades on my
report , it was really demoralizing and makes me really feel like giving up.
