Whether you
believe it or not, I am always afraid of my father from young till now. There is
no love connection towards him but “phobia” instead. He has always verbally threatens
to kill us when he is unhappy with something. He has bad temper and anger
management problem. Hence when I was young when I know my father was going to
blow off or something, I would stay just right beside my mother . When she is
going to the toilet I would just wait for her in the kitchen.
WHAT KIND
OF PERSON IS HE ?
From what I
know , when I was young till now, he has always been a bad tempered person, stingy
guy and “NEVER FORGIVE AND FORGET”.
He is also childish, yes childish!. ( how can u say of your
own father like that ? you are such a bitch !) well, you don’t know , so please
do not judge . he is never a good role model or a good father to me , he never
remember my birthday or bought me presents( that’s okay , is just a small thing
).
In summary,
Bad tempered,
Stingy guy,
Never forgive and
forget,
Give u hell when u makes
him angry,
No family,( quarreled with his sister, brother
even his mother and father )
WHY IS HE
NOT A GOOD ROLE MODEL TO U ?
Why ?
because a good father won’t use vulgarities in front of their kids , because it
is not right to let your kids learn from it . A good father won’t insults their
own wife , children , and own family members. A good father wont threaten to
kill and let your own children living in nightmares for the whole of their
entire life.
When I was
13, I hate school, I skipped school and made him angry. ( Not that I did it on
purpose , why would I want to do that ?).
I
remembered what exactly happened on that day for few seconds. I was sitting in
the living room, and he came back . He asked me why didn’t I go to school. At
that moment I was shaking , too afraid to answer him back because I have no
reason for skipping school . I was so stupid to skipped school because that he was
already very angry not because of me, but because his money was cheated from
his mistress. I sat still on the sofa and
don’t even dare to move. My mum was also angry at that time . He asked me three
times the same question and I just kept my lip zipped. The next moment he sat
beside me , pulled my head and hit it against the wall repeatedly ( are you
telling a story ? this seems so fake !)
you can choose to believe of choose not to, I don’t have to care, I write
it out so I can feel better keeping it inside me. From around the third hit, I
started to feel a little bit numb and the world just seemed spinning around . I
literally could feel anything , the forth hit was no longer painful. Weird
thing is, after so many hits , I was still awake. He pulled me out of the house
, carried me, and wanted to throw me down from 4th storey . My
mother quickly pulled me back from him and grabbed me ran downstairs. The whole
entire floor neighbor came out and looked, but none of them call the police and
offer help. (Probably they are too afraid of my father.)
After the
incident , he apologies to me (knowing I wanted to call the police but my
mother stopped me because he is my father, I should not do this to him.) and
told me that he should not put his anger on me because his mistress cheated his
money and he is stressed and angry . okay , I don’t want to break this family
and since he promised not to do these kind of things anymore, I won’t put it
inside( already knowing these are all lies coming out from his mouth .)
He is MEAN
!! When my own grandmother and grandfather died , he didn’t even pay his last
respect for them . I remember my grandmother has never seen him for many years
, because he is angry of my grandmother giving money to his sister, or brother
which are my uncles and aunties ( FUCKING CHILDISH ! how old ready ?) . So when
my grandmother was in the hospital , my youngest aunty ( which is his youngest sister
) called him and told him that my grandmother wanted to see him for maybe the
last chance . he then , at this moment(critical moment) , talked about the
past, blah blah blah ……he is (NEVER FORGIVE AND FORGET!). So my mother brought my brother and I, rushed
to the hospital afraid that my grandmother won’t be able to see us for the last
time. He did the same thing to his father , and always says that his father is
always a useless father.
Wow, I have
written so many but these are just the above 2% of bad things he did , if I wrote
everything out, it would be as thick as a harry potter story book.
So recently, I quarreled with him. I did
nothing wrong these year hence he dug out the things to insult me from the previous
year and previous time for no reason but he is having a bad mood after losing
to someone else on fishing ,thus he has to put his anger on someone else , who
is the “lucky” ones ? ME L.
To be
honest, he is trying to ruin my life right now. He wants me to drop out of
school. He wants to make my life miserable because he hates me more than anything
just because I talked back to him and not letting him win this match . He will
try to defeat me until I surrender and beg him to stop. He is just so childish
! These few days he has been verbally insults me , my mother , told us to
better of go die . He even threaten to kill us . ( people always tell me to
endure , ignored him, he won’t dare …..)( but what if he does? Where will we be
? isn’t it too late?).
I always
tell myself, not to be like my father. Not to be too childish, not to have bad
temper, learn to forgive and forget. I always learn to control my temper and
not let it out, I don’t wanna be like him. I always learn to forgive and forget because I
don’t wanna make myself unhappy ( but I can never apply these on the things he
did to me ! trying to kill me )
I should
actually thank him , because I leant to be a better person than him! I learnt
not to have bad temper , be so super childish over certain small things like
him ! and learn to forgive and forget
because this can release one pain inside our heart .
To him, my
father:
I will never going to surrender, go ahead and
make my life miserable, kid !. go ahead try to ruin my life , do whatever you
like , go ahead mentally torturing me, as long as you are happy and satisfied because
I paid all these to learn the 3 most important things from you !
Thank you !
